Moving abroad is often romanticised as a single brave leap, but the reality is far more layered — filled with small wins, quiet resilience, and constant recalibration. In this conversation with Indian Women Abroad, Aarushi Grover, a scientist originally from Chandigarh, reflects on nearly a decade of life in California: from a new country and cultural nuance to discovering independence, community, and courage she didn’t know she had.
Her story is a reminder that building a life abroad is not about becoming someone else — it’s about expanding who you already are.
Where are you from in India, and where did you move?
I was born and brought up in Chandigarh, and I moved to California, US.
What prompted your move to the US?
I came here for my Master’s in Pharmacology and Toxicology, and I am currently a Protein Biochemist (scientist/researcher) at 10x Genomics.
What was your experience of moving and adjusting to a new culture like?
It was good, to be honest. Of course, there are highs and lows, as with anything.
I was lucky on two fronts:
- I moved to a university town, so everyone was very inclusive. The whole town was full of students coming from all over the world, and a bunch of professors.
- I stumbled upon amazing roommates who made my transition seamless. (They were undergrads who were born or brought up in California itself, and they went above and beyond to make sure I was not homesick. They helped me set up essentials like banking, always offered me a ride to the university in their car, and shared homemade food that their parents would often send for them.)
VERY LUCKY!
Since things were sorted on the home front, it was easier for me to focus on classes, making new friends, going to a million meet-and-greets, hanging out with my classmates, and slowly grasping the culture a bit more every day. I genuinely enjoyed the process.
What are the biggest pros of moving? What lessons have you learned?
I learned that getting out of one’s comfort zone almost always yields amazing results — socially, professionally, on any front.
One of the biggest pros for me (something I had never even thought of) is that I do not fall sick often. In India, I used to catch random respiratory illnesses left, right, and centre. I never knew clean air could be such a big blessing. 🙂
Another pro is having access to pristine locations so close to home. Weekend getaways are easy and not taxing. Beach days are so accessible. Even a weekday evening can be picturesque because the skies look mind-blowing… Nine years in, and I am still amazed by that.
Lastly, I love how everyone believes in you. Most people here are brought up with the notion that all ideas are possible — that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. While I’m still a little cynical myself, it’s such a breath of fresh air to be supported and boosted by peers, professors, or managers.
One lesson for me is: don’t try to change yourself or fully adapt to a culture that’s not really yours. Adapt to the essentials, but bring along cultural aspects from your own upbringing — they often add value.
What are the biggest challenges you have faced?
Having to learn literally everything. There is no one person who can pass their knowledge on to us, from small things like how to make sure you have a good credit history, or that you need to build a credit history in the first place if you want to purchase a car. Contacts of good plumbers, handymen, anything… I feel all of us had to start from scratch.
There’s just no support system for people like me who do not have family in the country. But that also means that the friends that we make on this journey become such a good family, it’s really beautiful. And once you learn to handle all these things, from changing oil in your car to learning the nuances of plumbing, to basically becoming a DIY woman, it truly feels empowering.
And you slowly realise that there’s nothing really that you cannot accomplish.
Was it easy to adjust to a new environment? How did you find/build a social circle?
It was easy to adjust to a new environment, only because I made some good friends. The university does a pretty good job of organising meet and greets, making sure students are interacting with other students. There are also organisations like the Indian Graduate Student Association (IGSA) that played a pivotal role in my social circle.
The moment I chose UC Davis as my University, I reached out to IGSA’s Facebook group. They added me to a WhatsApp group with all the other Indian students who were moving to California that year. It was so easy after that because everyone had the same questions: what to bring, what not to bring, what documents to carry, how to set up a bank account, how to figure out a mode of transport, etc.
IGSA did a great job bringing together people and answering all the questions.
They also assigned a mentor for a group of four to five students, arranged airport pickups, basically anything that you could think of. These mentors were supposed to help you with anything and everything you might need, take you out for lunches and dinners in the initial few weeks, give you a lay of the land, and make sure you feel okay in general.
I ended up making a lot of friends because of IGSA! I loved it that I wasn’t alone in this and that everyone was trying to adjust to the new environment.
In the context of Indian women back home, what do you prefer — living abroad or in India?
Living abroad. But my reason is based on the fact that I have spent 9 years here, and I came right after my undergrad. All my adulting happened here. I feel my answer would be different if I had spent some years working in India.
In terms of Indian women back home, women who are of a generation older than me have a different story; but women who are in the same generation as myself, I feel they can’t go wrong by picking either option — India or abroad. It’s basically whatever speaks to you more.
I sometimes miss having the luxury of having a cook or a housekeeper, but I would still not trade it for the other things that I am getting here. For example, as I mentioned, clean air, beautiful places around me, and access to so much technology. My field is biotechnology research, and the funds available for research are definitely more compared to India. I am able to do such impactful science every day — that’s a luxury I would not want to forgo.
Are there any new freedoms or experiences you’ve had?
I loved being in a University town. There was a sense of security and safety that came with the town. The town was alive with students 24X7, the library was full of students literally throughout the night. I haven’t felt this safe ever in my life. (It is a good time to mention that I am a very optimistic person and sometimes I can be naive. Just putting it out there lol)
Regarding experiences, I have had to step out of my comfort zone a lot of times. It was not a necessity; my parents were well-off, but I really wanted to contribute to my education as it was not very cheap. I tried finding a teaching assistantship that would pay for 50% of my tuition and give me a stipend and medical insurance. Since everyone was trying to find one, I had to keep making cold calls, visiting multiple departments to ask for a position.
I was ready to be an assistant for the coffee-making course, the wine-making course, anything really — anyone who would take me. I was lucky enough to get a teaching assistantship in the neurobiology department, which aligned with my field. That was an experience of its own.
Taking office hours for undergrads who actually were far more educated — I would have to spend hours just trying to understand their material, go and teach that to them, while managing my own graduate studies and my research. As part of the teaching assistantship, I also had to take undergrad practicals, which once even involved picking up a tarantula and putting it on my arm for students to see. I was freaking out, but I really wanted the TAship. I still remember the students were so sweet about it, like one of the students picked the tarantula up first and put it on her arm so that I would feel comfortable enough to do that to myself.
Another experience that I don’t think I would have ever had was the research that I went for. When I had applied to the biochemistry lab, I was not entirely sure what Behavioral Studies entailed, but since behavior research was something they wanted assistance with, I was assigned to Behavioral Studies for 2 years as my research project.
Behavioral Studies, as I soon came to know, was basically studying mice’s behaviour in different stress-based situations. Before I tested anything, I had to make sure that the mice felt comfortable with me. I had to go into the lab once a day, pick up 10-12 baby mice, put them in my hands, and let them climb on my body. Of course, all while wearing a lab coat, and just make sure they’re not stressed!
I also had the opportunity of doing a rotation in an epilepsy lab, which was a surreal experience. I learned how to do rat surgeries in just a week. I was supposed to attach an EEG helmet to a rat under anesthesia. For that, I had to solder six electrodes into the brain and basically give it a permanent EEG helmet, so that when we gave them epilepsy medicine, we could track how many epileptic episodes they were having by tracking their electroencephalogram.
The research the lab was doing was extremely useful and very impactful for novel drug discovery. I did not join the lab because I realised this is not what I want to do on a regular basis.
It was truly a surreal experience and I feel I wouldn’t have gotten these experiences as a first-year master’s student anywhere else. UC Davis is truly a phenomenal research university.
Are there any hobbies that you are pursuing now that you hadn’t before? Anything new you’ve discovered about yourself after moving abroad?
Yes! As part of our lab outings or team building exercises, we ended up doing a lot of hiking to nearby places like lakes or forest trails. One thing that I did for the first time and fell in love with is camping. There are so many beautiful campgrounds around, and camping is such an integral part of most Californians.
Since I feel relatively safe here, I now love going hiking or camping in remote places fairly often without having to plan a lot or be worried about anything.
Of course, it helps that I have some amazing friends surrounding me.
Something that I have discovered about myself after moving abroad is that I was fairly protected when I was in India; for instance, I had never stepped out of Chandigarh.
Within Chandigarh, I was surrounded by similar people. The activities were limited as well. I had to step out to broaden my horizons, and I am glad I had the courage to take the first step.
What’s one of the most memorable experiences you’ve had in your time here?
Skydiving for my birthday with a plane full of 12 friends has to be on top of the list.
A close second is snorkeling, and scuba diving in different parts of the US. I am so scared of water but since nature is such a huge part of the California culture, I gave it a shot and ended up falling in love with it.
I also met this amazing human being here during my first year of grad school. We dated for 6 years, navigating the ins and outs of the US culture together, all while trying to keep our Indian culture alive. We are now married:)
While in school, we made sure to bring the community together for festivals ranging from Ganesh Chaturthi to Diwali to Navratri. We always made sure to open them to our American friends and colleagues and shared our culture. These parties we used to host will always hold a special place in my heart.
Any advice for other Indian women abroad?
Don’t try to change yourself/ adapt fully to a culture that’s not really yours. It’s nicer to adapt to the essentials but bring along cultural aspects from your own upbringing/country that might just add value to your team/or friends.
Also, don’t try to be in two boats. It’s human nature to compare our lifestyle to our peers back in India. The grass on the other side always looks greener.
Anything else you’d like to add?
While answering these questions, I realised that I wrote a poem while flying from India to SF for the very first time in September 2017. I never had a panic attack in my life, but I had one during the flight, and I tried to calm myself down by putting pen to paper, and it worked.
Sharing the same here:
“Catch flights, not feelings”
You are in love with this phrase.
You go around parading these words on your lips
As if it were a trophy born out of your misery
A medal you discovered
Hidden beneath the layers of monotony
One that you wish to bestow on each one around you
Hoping for ‘each one teach one’
Wanting to create a world where everyone followed their dreams
Instead of getting caught up in trivial attachments.
It all looks so neat, doesn’t it?
Like an elaborate mind puzzle
Like the one Ariadne created for Cobb to hide from Mal
A clever inception attempt
A destination, a goal, a dream
you created
To travel, to explore, to grow
To not look back
To run against the wind
and come out stronger.
You have been packing for months
Exhilarated by the idea of the adventures that await;
You can’t wait to leave the safe nest
To spread your wings and fly high.
What you did forget to picture in was the homesickness that would actually make you sick
The fact that your family is literally on the other side of the world
The realisation that dad doesn’t have your back here when you screw up
Mom won’t take care of you when you are down with the flu
Sometimes you’ll sleep on an empty stomach because you are just too tired
Two words- Culture shock
The herculean task of learning to bifurcate good people from not so good people
The fact that you are no longer daddy’s little princess
But a grown up woman in a foreign land
Having no real identity whatsoever;
A clean slate
This prospect- exciting yet nervous
And the undying worry of being upgraded to ‘cautious’ from ‘crazy.’
And that’s when it hits you.
Your first panic attack
Right in the middle of the sky above the Pacific
Surrounded by strangers
A full fledged impending black out.
Your lungs refuse to work, you can’t breathe, your vision gets blurry, you can’t move.
That’s thanks to the rajma chawal laden tray in front of you and well, the window seat!
But more than anything else, you can’t let yourself fall in the eyes of you.
So,
You try to fight it.
Drink little sips of water (God bless the tray)
Take out your scribble pad with trembling hands and note down 10 odd reasons why you think you can do this.
‘Catch flights, not feelings.’
Not the cakewalk you thought it would be.